Who Am I?

Photo cred: Sara Cooper

This is an interesting page. Who am I? That’s the struggle that I (and I imagine a few of you) have these days. Here it goes:

I am a wife to a Captain in the US Air Force (my husband also coaches college hockey and is an avid fisherman, so I guess I’m a hockey wife and a fisherman’s wife too; either way, they all mean that I put in several hours as a "single" parent). We were High School sweet hearts and this year we will celebrate our 15 year dating anniversary and our 8th wedding anniversary. Eric is my best friend,  we’ve had our ups and downs in our relationship, but we’re taking our life as an adventure, and man, does it keep us busy and laughing.

I’m a mother of three lively, energetic, mischievous, intelligent children, (almost 6, 4 and almost 18 months) who take my attention 20 of the 24 hours in a day. I am a daughter to a breast cancer survivor. I am a sister to three but have friendships that feel like sisterhoods. I am a flood survivor and forever FEMA thankful. I am a woman. A lover of Politics and Political Science. I am a history buff and a fan of the arts. Hmmm, that's pretty good, right? More you say? Too back-of-the-book generic and fluffy? Alright, here's more:

Five years ago I resigned from my Executive Director job to take care of my boys and my family after our home was flooded and under 7 ½  feet of water for a a month in the 2011 Souris Flood in Minot, ND. I used to Scrapbook until the flood destroyed 10 years of books, and now it seems I have no time for hobbies (except I’m trying to start one here). I leave laundry in the dryer and trade housework for hours with my kids (I swear my house is not going to be on an episode of Hoarders). I “Pin” on Pinterest, but I don’t have the time, money, energy or expertise to do half of the cooking, party planning or crafts I pin. I love to read, but haven’t picked up a book in almost three years unless you count the books I read to my children. I cry at Finding Nemo, Cars, and Steel Magnolias. I love time with my husband, but I’m not ready to have a weekend away with no kids (I'm almost done nursing so maybe the time will come soon), so, I have to find other fun, inexpensive ways to connect with him.

I try to be the best mom I can: I come up with activities, a “preschool” lesson plan, we play in puddles, have play dates, and play in tubs of rice and corn, but I’m still exhausted at the end of the day. I have had to yell at my kids and I’ve had to lock myself in my bedroom and bathroom to take a time out. But, before I go to bed every night I go in and check on all of them. It’s that moment, no matter how long bedtime takes, or how many times I’ve had to tell the baby to stay out of the dog’s water dish, I fall in love all over again, and I’m ready to wake up at 5 am to change a dirty diaper. Well, I’m not always ready to get up at 5 but, you get the idea.

I cherish the time I get alone, whether it’s an evening out with girlfriends, or doing chores while my husband plays with the kids. It really only takes 10 minutes for me to get a break from “life” so I can recharge and get back in the ring to settle fights over who had the Monster Truck first. But man, would I LOVE 3 hours to get a mani/pedi and a massage. Heck, I'd love an hour where I could just sit and watch The West Wing on Netflix, screw the mani/pedi! 

I’m struggling with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. I have always wanted it, (and still do) but at the same time I feel like my family could be better off if I had a full time job and brought in just as much money as my husband. I also struggle with the fact that I loathe unloading and loading the dishwasher every morning, but as a stay-at-home mom isn’t that my “job”? What does being an At-Home Mom mean? Does it mean you have to make your own baby food? Use cloth diapers? Or Have a perfectly clean home? Or do I wear yoga pants, have my hair in a pony-tail, wear a sweatshirt from 1999, dance to Gangnam Style on repeat until I have to lunge across the Legos scattered across the floor to get to the phone when it rings? Do I sacrifice the much desired/needed drive-thru latte so that my boys can get a car at grocery store? Yes. Do I cut coupons? Yes, but I'm not by any means a coupon champion. Most of the time I forget to bring the coupons with me. I don't buy new clothes or "things" for me. My life is 100% centered around my kids. Should it be? 

I’d like to think there is order to my home, but in reality, I live a pretty chaotic, messy-chic, life. And I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. From as early as I can remember I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom stayed home with us for a while and while I don't totally remember it, I do remember making cookies every week with her. I was a nanny in college and I think it was then that I realized that I didn't want someone else to spend 10+ hours a day with my kids. Honestly, I loved (and still do) the family I worked for, but I felt bad being with their kids when they walked, talked or pooped on the potty. Kids are only little for so long and I'm too selfish to share it with a babysitter. For now, the plan is to be a Stay-at-Home Mom until my youngest is in Kindergarten and then we'll see what our life looks like, but I'm absolutely going on field trips. There's NO way I'm missing the water park, the zoo or the Hands on Museum. Until the youngest goes to school, I'll be here, blogging away my life trying to capture as many sayings, quotes and pictures as possible. And then, in about 8 years I'll be back here trying to redefine myself after my kids are all grown up. Who knows, maybe by then I'll have a hobby that doesn't revolve around my kids. ;)

Henrik 23 Months, Theodor 3 Months.